OPINION – I don’t want your shitty-quality nude. I do not want them on a train, I do not want them on a plane, I do not want Dick Pics or Spam.
I do not want them here or there
I do not want them anywhere
No, I do not want to sext
Honestly, don’t even text
Unless you’re sending podcast recs
Now that is truly a good flex
I do not want nudes from your bed
I will leave your text on read
F**k off, Jacob, Alex, or Fred
Just send me podcast recs instead
You know what’d be really hot?
A “sexy” mirror selfie? Absolutely not.
If you were to slide into my DMs
With podcast recs, we could be friends
I do not want your shitty nude
Just don’t send them, OK, dude?
I really do not want your sexts
Again, what I want is podcast recs
I do not want them, you dumb frat bro
Not yours either, bougie young beau
Or yours, nerd who studies Foucault
I do not want them no, no, no
Just send me your fave podcast
If you want this relationship to last
So one more time, let’s review
Podcasts not nudes, or else we’re through