Everything You Need to Know About No Nut November

The ‘No Nut November’ movement is a challenge of orgasm denial popular with alt-right sympathizers who really want to give their right hand some vacation time. No Nut November (NNN) tests the limits of participants’ ability to withhold orgasm for an entire month.  The trend has caused a wave of sexual frustration around the world, with some men breaking down almost immediately at the sight of a particularly spicy Pepe meme while others learn to tap into their inner strength discovering themselves in new ways.

A Wharton sophomore who requested not to be named told The Punch Bowl, “ It’s day 13 of No Nut November. I have now learned to levitate for short periods of time. I have not eaten in 6 days. My family is worried.” Other participants report seeking pleasure in new ways in order to cope ranging from subtle choking to the sting of last night’s Indian cuisine.

According to a Gallop poll, about 95% of participants did not succeed in lasting all 30 days last September. However, early surveys suggest a record high in participants this year. Analysts suggest this increase may be correlated to the increase in butt hurt misogynists who may be desperately hoping the challenge will give their empty lives purpose. In case you decide to partake, we have attached the official rules. Note that participants who succeed in No Nut November may qualify for Destroy Dick December.

Furthermore, the trend has sparked the creation of other November themed viral challenges such as No Nic(otine) November, No Shave November, and alternatively, Non-Stop Nut November. Please consult a doctor before attempting to take on any of these challenges.

 

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