UPenn Announces New “Punch Bowl Only” Wing in Van Pelt Library

The University of Pennsylvania has announced the construction of a new wing in the Van Pelt Library. With building set to begin over summer break, the new wing will be devoted entirely to the conservation of uncatalogued back issues of beloved campus periodical The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl, one of the oldest satire publications in the country, founded in 1899 .

At an event celebrating the announcement, university president Amy Gutmann said, “The Punch Bowl is an integral and longstanding element of college life at the University of Pennsylvania. It truly sits at the heart of our campus culture. We here at Penn are honored to dedicate some of our endowment to preserving its archives for generations to come. It just seems right.”

Penn provost Wendell Pritchett was also enthusiastic about the news when reached for comment: “I am The Punch Bowl’s biggest fan! Truly a monumental publication in the history of collegiate satire, and in the American comedic canon at large. I would have to say my favorite writer is current columnist Grant Pavol. He really cracks me up!”

The University did not offer a hard date on when construction on the wing would conclude, simply stating in an official statement when contacted: “Under the Button sucks and we do not like them.”

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