Op-Ed: You Took Maureen Rush’s Words Out of Context

Maureen Rush, seen here doing her best Wheeler Walker Jr. impersonation.

After interrupting with, “Fuck you, bitch!” during a University Council Open Forum on Wednesday, public safety administrator Maureen Rush has explained that her words had nothing to do with the content of the forum’s discussion.

In response to student outrage over the lack of disciplinary action for Rush’s interruption, a University spokesperson has released a list of the seven most plausible quotes in context:

  1. “I love the song Fuck You Bitch by Wheeler Walker Jr. so much.”
  2. *singing* “…fuck you biiiiitch, you broke my heaaaart, fuck your frieeeends for tearing us apaaaart…”
  3. “‘Fuck you, bitch. –Wayne Gretzky. –Michael Scott.’ –Maureen Rush.”
  4. “When my colleague reminded me that I dropped my gun onstage in front of a bunch of freshmen once, I told her, ‘Fuck you, bitch!'”
  5. “Why won’t this clip of Sean Hannity load while I’m on Zoom? Must be a Fox News glitch.”
  6. “I’m thinking of creating my own secret code, called Maureenian. The word for ‘meeting’ will be ‘fuckyoubitch,’ which surely won’t attract any suspicion at all.”
  7. “I’m trying to breed dogs in my spare time, and my female dog just won’t engage with my male dog. I keep telling her, ‘I need the stud to fuck you, bitch!'”

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