So you took your shot and ya missed. It happens to the best of us. Yeah, it turns out he’s just “nOt ReAdY fOr a ReLaTiOnShIp RiGhT nOw” even though you’re such a great person. Well, you could wait around for him to change his mind, or take the healthier route and “move on.” Since actually “moving on” is pretty much a joke, and therefore in the Punch Bowl’s expertise, we have created a tried-and-true guide for just how you can do that:

Step 1:

Hang out with “the girls” and make some cookies. Play some good vibes music and treat yourself. Friends will help distract you from sad thoughts and reinforce your sense of worth.

Step 2:

Watch a movie. Ideally not a rom-com, but something funny or action-packed that utterly sucks you into the plot. Forget all about your sad life and dive wholeheartedly into a fantasy universe. 

Step 3:

Sulk. It’s good to feel a range of emotions and you have every right to feel sad right now. Listen to your self-pity playlist and let out a good cry.

Step 3.5:

Download Tinder and scroll through the countless hot singles waiting to meet you. This should be a good distraction unless you see the guy who rejected you on there. In that case, go back to step one and start over.

Step 4ish:

Dive unhealthily into your assignments. If you focus enough on work you can be super productive and block out all other depressing thoughts. Take on all those projects you’ve been putting off, even if you start to get “manic”

Step 5:

Sleep it off. You can’t feel sad if you’re not conscious. Just bury all that sadness under your pillow and don’t wake up for a good long while. Who knows, maybe being well rested will help, but that’s not really the point of this step.

Step 5 II: 

Watch the news. It’s all about a little perspective, right?

Step 7:

Complicate a close friendship by hooking up with a good friend. Let’s act on those self-destructive tendencies- at least you’ve gotten your mind off the person who rejected you! Love is all about sacrifice, right?

Step ??:

Screw it, just kidnap him and hope he gets Stockholm syndrome. What’s dignity, anyways?