Filed under Articles

Area Man Only Washes Hands When Observed

Area Man Only Washes Hands When Observed

Last Tuesday at 12:36 PM EST, a local man nonchalantly alluded to the fact that he only washes his hands when someone in the restroom is observing him. Bob had previously been eating a pleasant lunch with coworkers before the unfortunate conversation bomb was accidentally deployed.  Linda, the office germaphobe, searched for the travel hand … Continue reading

A Desperate Plea from Wawa to the Task Force

A Desperate Plea from Wawa to the Task Force

Dear Task Force, This year, you have taken active and overwhelming steps to combat alcohol culture and excessive partying at your school, the University of Pennsylvania. The regulations you have recently imposed have done a great deal to discourage parties, or at the very least move them farther off campus and less convenient than ever … Continue reading

10 Things Not to Say to Your Roommate on Move-In Day

10 Things Not to Say to Your Roommate on Move-In Day

Hopefully you’re all settled in to your 80-square-foot, cockroach-infested, Harry-Potter-under-the-stairs style, shag-carpeted, Guantanamo-esque living situation for the semester, and you’ve successfully navigated the whole “roommate introduction” ordeal.  But in case you’ve been living homeless for the first month of school, here’s a few questions NOT to ask first when it’s finally your big day! These … Continue reading

iPhone X only costs 1/65th of Penn Tuition!

iPhone X only costs 1/65th of Penn Tuition!

Many consumers (but very few producers) are concerned about the recent iPhone X’s seemingly exorbitant cost. These people, emboldened by their own tweets of “#TheFreerTheMarketTheFreerThePeople,” have protested the newly-unveiled product’s $1000 price tag. The beautiful screen, extra and unexplained camera, and the NSA-aiding FaceID technology have convinced very few people of the necessity of this … Continue reading

The Real Reason Frontera is so Slow

The Real Reason Frontera is so Slow

Here at The Punchbowl we love SABSing and all things tangentially related to Mexico. So, naturally, you must be thinking WOW I bet you guys really like chipotle! Well, the truth is we like Qdoba better. But the other truth is that we like Frontera best. A special spot where your taste buds can ride … Continue reading

An Honest Guide to Tinder Part II

An Honest Guide to Tinder Part II

Still trolling Tinder? So are we! Since Punch Bowl’s last guide to Tinder, the platform has made some changes, so it’s only fitting we do the important public service of providing you with a new set of tips and tricks to sexually confuse and or arouse those within a 25 mile radius—or 85, because sometimes … Continue reading

Entire Government Recuses Itself from Governing as Conflicts of Interest Loom

Entire Government Recuses Itself from Governing as Conflicts of Interest Loom

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After weeks of investigation into various conflicts of interests throughout the government, the government has decided to recuse itself from governing.  Allegations of Russian entanglement, unethical business holdings, and campaign malpractice has plagued the government, prompting it to stop governing in the “best interest of the country.” “I think we’re just going … Continue reading

Mart Madness Round 1, East Preview

Mart Madness Round 1, East Preview

It’s time, folks! Mart Madness is here: which Mart has enough grit to make it all the way, for eternal Mart glory? Be sure to VOTE here! Steve Martin VS Martin Short The selection committee did an excellent job matching up two of the Three Amigos to face off in the first round. Martin, best known … Continue reading